After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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