You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
