Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
