i may or may not be watching the land before time
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
