This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
