Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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