Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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