What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
