I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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