If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
