The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
