i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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