even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
