I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Come share oat with me in your robe
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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