I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
