True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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