Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
