Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
