Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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