Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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