there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
