i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Two words: nipple clamps
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