Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
