Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
