if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Who died my cat blue again?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
