***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
