Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
