i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i would one night stand the shit outta him
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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