I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
