Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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