I heard we made out
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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