just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
