gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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