Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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