just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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