just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
