okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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