Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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