no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
