dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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