I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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