just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
