Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
