We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
