that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Found the puke drawer
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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