Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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