dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
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