My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
