How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
