you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Randomize
