and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
