Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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