you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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