i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
