You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
